Sunday, May 10, 2009

Frightful Fives?

When it comes to the two big heavyweight franchises of horror's bastard son that is "The Slasher", of course some of their own offspring are better than others. For Friday the 13 part V: A New Beginning and A Nightmare on Elm Street Part 5: The Dream Child, the obvious couldn't be more apparent. Oft maligned and criticised by both critics and fans alike, it's easy to see why these two flicks could be considered the worst in the whole lot for both franchises.

I'm here to say, I don't hate either of these movies. Are they my favorite in their respectives series? Far from it, but the point is that these flicks maybe aren't as totally bad as many make them out to be. I'm going to go over a few pros and cons from each of these horror black sheep. I wish I could include an image for each of the pros and cons, but that would take forever, and I'm just not that dedicated. Sorry. Anyway, let's start with what is in my opinion the crappier of the two:








That's right. There are multiple images associated with this movie, and while this one (the VHS cover) isn't the best one, it's the first one I saw and it creeped me out as a kid. The movie however, did not.

The Pros

1. Dan's Death. Friggin' gross and fucked up. Very original and well conceived, and pretty damn gag inducing if you ask me.

2. Some awesome soundtrack songs. If we could go back to the days when including Bruce Dickinson and W.A.S.P. on your movie soundtrack was something a major studio would back 100% I'd be a happy camper. One happy Crystal Lake Camper.

3. Demon Gremlin Freddy Baby. The "Son of a Thousand Maniacs" flashback is retarded but awesome. I especially like that the baby crawls into Freddy's clothes on the ground and grows into his adult self.

4. Greta and her death. This girl was really hot. I liked looking at her a lot. However, her death is completely gross. In a really stupid "I can't believe this is what Freddy is doing now, whatever happened to sucking kids into the bathtub?" kind of way. I guess you could call it a con, but it's so ridiculous I have to kind of like it.

The Cons

1. Comic book kid and his dream. Dumbest thing ever, and not in an awesome way. I have no idea why they would possibly think this was a good idea. The set was pretty cool in how it real but looked like it was drawn, I'll give them that, but all in all, friggin' dumb. Massive failure.

2. An even jokier Freddy. I think Freddy was a lot more entertaining when he wasn't so "funny" (if you want to call it that). This persona of his really hits the peak of shittyness in this flick, and continues along the path in Freddy's Dead. Call me crazy, but in this regard part 2 was better than part 5 says this observer.

3. Greta didn't get naked. Yeah I said it, shoot me.

There are plenty of other crappy things in this movie, but I haven't seen it in a while, so I can't think of them right now.

And next...



Sorry for the small image. I couldn't find a larger one of the original VHS box. The newer DVD cover is boring and stock.

The Pros

1. The annoying chocolate munching kid dies VERY early on. If I had to suffer through 90 minutes of this dude I sure as hell wouldn't consider this one the better of these two films. It's only a shame the true gory shots of his death didn't make it into the film. I've seen stills and they are glorious.

2. Reggie the Reckless. I'm sorry, but this kid rules. He also has an awesomely high shrieking scream. On the new retrospective documentary His Name was Jason we get to hear some comments from him (Shavar Ross) and he says something to the effect of "I would come back, Reggie the Reckless would come back and kick Jason's butt. I will put the red suit on...". Love the red sweatsuit, Reggie.

3. Tommy Jarvis can kick some ass. The scene where he comes down to breakfast, flips out, and almost wrecks that kid. Damn right, Tommy.

4. The deaths of the lovers in the woods. I think I'd go so far as to say Eddie and Tina have the best deaths in the movie. Mention of Tina brings me to my next point...

5. Tina's topless scene. There are quite a few bare breasts in this movie, but the only ones that matter are Tina's. Nuff said. If only Violet took her shirt off shit would have been perfect. But then again, I'm all for dated 80's flicks with your stereotypical tortured soul goth/punk chick.

The Cons

1. The VHS box. Scroll back up and look at that shit again...
What a waste.

Check out the previous film's poster:


Can you get more iconic than that? This is probably my favorite slasher poster of all time. Ask any 10 people between the ages of 25 and 50 which poster image comes to mind when they think of these movies and I am willing to bet over half them will say "the one with the knife going into Jason's mask". The other ones will probably mention the one for the first movie. How could they go from something this awesome to the boring uninspired image they came up with? That's not even what Jason's mask has looked like in any of the movies. Remember how I said I couldn't find a decent sized image? That's because it's lame. It took me two seconds to find a pretty good copy of the one for The Final Chapter, and that's because it's fuckin' bad ass.


2. Jason's look. I know it's not really him, so maybe he's supposed to look like shit, but come on. The way he moves, his mask, etc. All crap.

3. Major hold backs on the gore. I know all these movies were really pillaged as far as the blood and guts were concerned, but I get the feeling this movie had some major trims and if the footage were found and reinserted it would elevate it from "eh...it's ok" status to "pretty damn decent" status.

4. The ending chase sequence is a too drawn out. Once you've seen the movie and you know it's not Jason the last 20 minutes of the movie are extremely grueling and nearly diminish any rewatchability for me.

So there you have it. Jason's Forest Cabin back in full swing. I had fun writing this entry, so please drop me a line if you have any comments. In fact, feel free to submit some of your own pros and cons.

1 comment:

  1. I LOVE Jason part 5. The similarities to SF Brownrigg's notorious drive-in shocker "Don't Look in the Basement" are obvious to those in the know (crazed killer loose in a halfway house situation, and the impulse killing of the fat simpleton with an axe is lifted straight from LHOTL's opening scene). Tommy is intense, Dudley from "Different Strokes" is the bomb; his scene with the brother in the van rules big time. Tina's natural breasts are the best in the entire franchise. And in it's own perverse way, the fact that the killer isn't Jason makes sense in hindsight and is kinda cool (though I was pissed when I saw it in the theatre).

    Not a big fan of Freddy in general, except for the two Cravens and part 3. I can honestly say I remember nothing about part 5 since I saw it in the theatre.

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